How (Not) to Win Friends…Even flexible Squid isn’t always good at being in multiple places at once, and Squid knows how exhausting the campaign trail can be. But Squid’s not sure why Larry Beaman, president of the Scotts Valley Unified School District board and candidate for the 17th state Senate district, never seems to show up. (Squid would ask, but Beaman’s never even responded to a phone call or email.) Monday, he was scheduled to appear at York School to debate his opponent, Assemblyman Bill Monning, but Beaman was a no-show.

Or maybe he just snuck out the back door after watching fellow Republican Jeff Taylor, who’s running for Congress against U.S. Rep. Sam Farr, bungle answer after answer.

“Without family you have disorder, you have confusion,” Taylor told students. Funny, he seemed plagued by those very things on the stage. On the importance of faith: “It took me probably 20 years of pondering to figure that out for myself.”

The moderator, local journo Tony Seton, kept reminding Taylor to stay on topic, but to no avail; the ag businessman preferred to spout classic GOP rhetoric. He responded to a question about the future of healthcare with a rambling attack on reproductive freedom. “You women have all the rights in the world to do whatever you want,” Taylor said, “but when you take on another life inside of you…”

What he did say in response to Seton’s question—specifically, his vision for health care 20 years out—was, “20 years, that’s pretty hard to look at.” Considering that’s how long it took him to decide faith should be one of the three central pillars of his campaign (alongside family and freedom, because alliteration wins!), maybe he’ll spend that long pondering the question. By then, York kids will be old enough to vote. And good thing, because as Taylor said, “This is your future, not mine.” Too bad he’s hoping to help shape that future without any ability to relate to youth