Some tales from the area code can be told in texts. Two years ago, the Weekly compiled some of the most loco local examples of the year with the help of a website called Texts From Last Night, where you can search by key word – “accident,” for instance, is a rewarding input – or area code, like 831.


Back then one of the website’s founders told the Weekly he found redeeming humanity in the texts, even if they were littered with drunken confessions, irregular intercourse and fecal matter.


“No matter what you’re doing, no matter what happens – a crazy thing, an incredibly mundane thing – you’re sending a text because someone else will want to know,” Ben Bator said. “A lot of texts on the site are about crazy situations – ‘I lost my shoes,’ ‘Half my house is on fire’ – that remind you no matter where you are in life, you have people who will care.”



To commemorate 2012 gone by, the Weekly returned to the site. A lesson emerged to pair with Bator’s: These people live among us, and while they may not be the smartest locals, they do have smartphones. (A final note: The following immature texts are intended for a mature audience, and were left with errors intact to preserve authenticity.)


Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you


You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE … I think he got the hint


He brought a TOOTHBRUSH on our date… .. I want to go home and forget I decided to be nice and go on this date.


To instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i s*** in the urinal


i just heard a guy call his kid “Google” in a way that leads me to believe that’s his name. this day couldn’t get worse.


I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.


I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said “use in case of emergency”


Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out


Just googled “penis wearing a hat” i think it’s safe to say nobody found my ex’s lost phone… 


YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.


I’m pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.


Yeah, first time I’ve s*** my pants in my twenties… I’m thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline


I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.


Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying. (Reply: You did a keg stand on the toilet?!)


She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester


I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.


Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.


Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, “say bye bye?”


So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl… Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.


maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone’s hair trick


There’s a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost… enjoy


She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream “happy fathers day you DILF!” at the top of her lungs


Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because ‘you were a pussy’, punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance 


For more inane and insane texts from around the country, visit www.textsfromlastnight.com