GRAPE CRUSH… Squid meets Squid’s fair share of gadflies, wonks and scary people, and has honed a pretty good radar for wackos. But the Squiddy Sense went out the window when winemaker Dan Tudor, who seems pretty mellow, spooked a Carmel Chamber of Commerce official into fearing Tudor might Molotov cocktail the place. 


The beef goes back to when Carmel Chamber members invited Tudor and other local winemakers to invest in a definitive wine map to Carmel. Instead, Tudor started a rival map. Trademark-infringement threats, insults and ugliness ensued.


Not long after, Tudor offered one of his maps to Gary Caraccioli, a flammable sort in his own right, at the Party in the Hangar this winter. And then offered it again, tauntingly. When Caraccioli (allegedly) snatched him and nearly threw him across a table and through thousands of dollars of wine, Tudor promptly filed a police report. 


Some highlights from Monterey Peninsula Airport District report: Tudor claims Caraccioli “grabbed Tudor by his jacket with both hands and pulled him off the stage… and yelled at him, ‘Don’t be promoting your shit around here. Don’t fuck with my family.’”


Squid’s got a better idea: Focus on upping the love for the appellation. And coming together over vino at something like March 20’s annual wine-crawl mixer, where the bargain event ($10 for members) features more incredible local wines by the glass – and no cocktails of the Molotov variety.


CANDID CAMERA… Pacific Grove Mayor Bill Kampe gave a nice, straightforward speech to the P.G. Chamber of Commerce March 1, laying out the city’s top issues and what to do about them. That wet sucking sound while he spoke? It wasn’t the Pacific tide going out; it was the sound of online shopping slurping up retail storefronts. But Kampe served up the silver lining: P.G. has a magic mix of scenery, tranquility and family fun to keep attracting visitors. 


What he didn’t mention: his role as coverboy for Where To Retire magazine. Local photog Chris Schmauch blogged at www.goodeyeblog.com about shooting Kampe and his wife, Cheryl, for the magazine in February. We see Bill and Cheryl canoodling in the Jewell Park Gazebo, strolling hand-in-hand down the Coastal Rec Trail, gazing at one another on a bench by the Museum of Natural History.


They’re a cute enough couple, in a square, grandparenty kind of way. But what throws Squid is the funny hue of the sky – almost, dare Squid say, blue in some of the shots? We wouldn’t want the tourists to know about the wind and the fog. If we’re going to be honest about P.G., shoot Bill at a cranky council meeting, looking thirsty.