Her hair is long and supernova blond. She’s thin, wears knee-high spiked boots, jewelry that rattles and clinks when she moves, and a liberal amount of make-up. Her voicemail greeting instructs callers to text her. If she told you that she does reality TV shows like Rock of Love 2, you would not be surprised. If you stopped there, thinking you know the type, you would be wrong.
Aubry Fisher will appear tonight on TLC’s season three premier of L.A. Ink. But first she appeared last month at the Weekly while on vacation on the Peninsula to visit family and friends. She attended Pacific Grove High School.
She’d been partying at Bullwackers, Paradiso Trattoria, Kula Ranch and in her room at the Clement Hotel until 4am (“I’m like a party in a can,” she says). L.A. Ink’s producers have her under a strict confidentiality agreement: “Don’t say anything about anything,” they told her. But she did talk about everything – and anything – else.
Like her second stand-up comedy gig. It did not go well.
“I got heckled really bad,” she said. “[They were] yelling about my being white and blond and Barbie. My friend threw a bottle at their head and she got kicked out. I bombed. A fight broke out.”
But the vixen had her Mascara-ed eyes fixed on a bigger stage: VH-1’s Rock of Love 2, starring former Poison frontman Brett Michaels. She knew what to do at audition. Her uncle directed Lion King and Haunted Mansion; an aunt is a producer, another a well-known make-up artist; she, herself, had been in a TV show back in the ‘90s.
“I would always be on set as a kid, futzing around,” says the 33-year-old L.A. native. “Being on camera doesn’t scare me. And craft service tables rock!”
She nailed the show’s audition. Not so much the show. Or the show’s star.
“I’m not a fan of [Brett Michaels] because he was rude to me,” she says. “I think he’s a bit of a womanizer, a chauvinist. He would say stuff like ‘It looks like [those girls] are gonna fight; that turns me on.’”
She “eliminated” herself in episode four to escape him. But when shown, for the first time, a YouTube clip of Michaels getting clipped by a dropped piece of the set at the recent Tony awards, she winces in sympathy.
“I feel terrible,” she says. “That’s so embarassing.”
ROL2 opened the door to VH-1’s über-campy reality show, Charm School.
“I opted not to do Charm School because I wanted to do a more serious show,” she says. She chose L.A. Ink. And they chose her right back – maybe because she hosts Aubry Karaoke at Off Kilt nightclub every Friday, has managed employees and owned businesses, does promotional appearances (takes a pass on cigarette promotions) and has nine discreet tattoos. Although the show is unscripted, they seem to have specific designs for Fisher, as relayed in a TLC press release that even Fisher hadn’t seen:
“… the shop faces unexpected – and unwelcome – changes. The introduction of new shop manager, Aubry Fisher, is just one example.”
The ominous line didn’t faze her. She likes the show and the crew.
“Put me aside,” she says. “This is going to be their most exciting, craziest season yet. It’s gonna be killer to watch.”
It could be weird for her to watch. While Rock of Love 2 wrapped before it aired, L.A. Ink will air while it’s being shot, through September.
Since her four years at P.G. High and P.G. Community School, Fisher has partied with Dave Navaro of Jane’s Addiction and Audrina Patridge of The Hills (and that scrumptious Carl’s Jr. commercial), but there’s a subtle self-mocking tone that seems to whisper blah, blah, blah to all that glam, as if she would rather talk about her volunteer work with the Crohn’s & Colitis Foundation of America.
“I have Crohn’s disease,” she said plainly. “It’s an autoimmune inflammatory bowel disease. It’s incurable. And really painful.”
Her doctors wanted to prescribe marijuana to help with the pain, but it made her feel “weird.”
So that late-night party that had all the hallmarks of a rager? Two daiquiris. She prefers to hang out at George Washington Park or eat seafood at Fisherman’s Wharf. She doesn’t do drugs. What she likes best about L.A. (“What’s not crazy about L.A.?”) is the sun and the multiculturalism. The red carpet party hostess plays the fame game while mocking its artifice.
“In L.A., you can be free to be who you want to be. But you have to be beautiful.”
Her snarky interviews with reality television celebs like Melissa Martinez and Cato Caelin at www.realitywanted.com are like that Courtney Love song: “I fake it so real I am beyond fake.”
Her recent Twitter post arrives less filtered: “What a long week, cool to hang with my Monterey friends. I am so tired, gotta work tomorrow. Going to bed. goodnight twitter friends.”