Squid Speaks

Taste Off...For the most part, Squid ignores sites like Yelp. Squid gets a little rattled when Yelpers post about “yummy calamari” and “super flavorful” pasta with squid ink. It makes Squid yearn for the days when mariners feared cephalopods. Besides, Squid finds little value in personal likes and dislikes of diners. Once when Squid took a break from the lair and oozed off for a vacation, Squid sought Yelp’s advice on a Chinese restaurant. The first post began “I judge Chinese restaurants by two things. First, their iced tea…” Huh?

But recently, Squid came across a Yelp exchange that Squid just couldn’t close out. It seems Shelby P. of Coeur d’Alene, Idaho, was less than impressed with Pangaea in Carmel. Not only did she dismiss the restaurant’s food and service in a post on Jan. 11, Shelby P. reported that when the family entered, the host blocked the doorway while talking to guests who were leaving. “We felt like a bother, when he had to finally address our existence,” she posted. “His attitude was sassy and reeked of some serious self-importance complex.”

Although Squid cannot verify Shelby P.’s armchair psychiatry qualifications, because she identifies as “Anthony P.’s Wifey” and uses terms like “yummy” and “super flavorful,” Squid is thinking more aspiring Instagram star than doctor. 

Her little dig drew a yummy Yelp response from Mira Porges, an owner of the restaurant. “Once in a while an immature person with an underdeveloped mind comes into our restaurant. They think they are so important and want to be the center of attention,” Porges wrote. “I went through all your other Yelp reviews which are all very, very long—almost like a creative writing class assignment. This shows you have some larger issues that need professional help.” Porges then banned Shelby P. from the restaurant. Again, Squid cannot confirm Porges’ diagnostic skills. Nor can Squid ascertain whether Anthony P.’s wifey needs some kind of professional assistance. She did stand by her writeup and called out Porges for the “personal attack.”

For the record, both had some praise to offer. Shelby P. admitted that Pangaea’s tiramisu was “pretty tasty.” And Porges heaped goodwill on Anthony P. “Your husband deserves a huge trophy because [he] has had to live with such a controlling and uncaring mind like you have,” she wrote. “It will always be about you and you will continue to spread your toxic energy wherever you go.”

There is no need for a psychiatrist in this case. Squid believes a few trips to a dermatologist might help. Both, it seems, have pretty thin skin.

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(1) comment

bernard cleyet


Well, .. I knew Squidself had superior camo. ability, but until (s)he had the ability to investigate diaper changing in the Monterey County Courthouse did I learn the sex change ability, wow!


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