Need a Nap(ster)…Squid put on Squid’s finest on Saturday morning (a subtly striped morning coat complete with tails and vest), threw a pink bow on a neatly wrapped toaster oven (because what young couple just starting out doesn’t need small-kitchen appliances?) and oozed on over to Ventana Inn & Spa for the wedding celebration of the century: Billionaire Sean Parker, better known as the guy played by Justin Timberlake in the founding-of-Facebook flick Social Network, married his longtime sweetie, singer-songwriter Alexandra Lenas, in what some have called a Lord of the Rings-meets-Game of Thrones-style ceremony. The fete reportedly cost $10 million, with upward of $1 million spent on flowers and plants; couture wedding clothes for 300 guests (Sting and Trudie Styler; Metallica drummer Lars Ulrich, actress Emma Watson and Newark Mayor Cory Booker among them) made by the costume designer from Lord of the Rings; and a set straight out of a Hollywood film, with construction and landscape firms building ponds, bridges, gates and ruins right in the pristine Big Sur forest. “They made the forest come alive,” one guest, apparently unaware the forest was alive before Parker’s construction crew got there, told the London Daily Mail.

Squid wouldn’t know how lovely the ruins looked, because Squid was denied entry. Dejected, Squid schlepped a mile down the road to a friend’s place to spend the night. After playing a few rounds of Cards Against Humanity, Squid hunkered down to sleep, only to be awakened at 3am by the throbbing of bass and a Dr. Dre beat. Seems that when you spend $10 million on a wedding, you forget you have neighbors and don’t call it a night at 1am—instead you party until dawn.

Much to the consternation of people who normally live in nature.

“If I was woken up, how many other pissed off Big Sur residents are up cursing those rich assholes right now?” Squid’s pal wondered. “If they're gonna be this loud, this late, they're not invited back as far as I'm concerned. I don't care how much money they're willing to shove down the community's throat. Fuck them. And how about the sheriff enforcing a noise ordinance right now? Yeah right.”


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