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Squid Fry:

BITE OF LIFE...Squid isn’t scared of much: Pump nacho cheese. Mannequins. Coffee breath. But even Squid, despite being equipped with barbed clubs, swift tentacles and razor sharp wit, is scared of sharks. Sharks in shiny wingtips, that is: lawyers. Seems Squid’s eloquent ink can act as a chum perfume of sorts for those bloodthirsty bastards.

But now Squid’s feeling Squid’s first fear of real sharks. Most mammals—and all local marine mammals—heard about the WHITE SHARK  who attacked the man surfline.com identified as 24-year-old TODD ENDRISS at MARINA STATE BEACH Tuesday morning. But fewer heard about the attack last Saturday in OTTER COVE just past LOVERS POINT. Squid’s allies in the dive community tell Squid that a pair of divers saw a smaller white circle them, then disappear—only to make a charge at them. Luckily, they were carrying spearguns, which they reportedly used to fend off the shark before surfacing and successfully screaming for help from a nearby dive skiff.

That’s two Peninsula attacks in four days—and the Santa Cruz Surf Museum tells Squid that the entire West Coast averages just five shark attacks all year. Squid was feeling a little twitchy about Squid’s weekly boogie-boarding session until Squid learned later Tuesday that the AQUARIUM had bagged a white—albeit smaller than the recent aggressors—to exhibit in the Outer Bay tank. Squid’s back to bigger, more threatening things to fear, like argyle.

JUDGES GONE WILD…Squid’s beginning to wonder if the county’s most famous frathouse, the SUPERIOR COURT, will ever be a professional place of justice and humanity. The word in Squid’s mailbox is this: Not only is retired Judge MIKE FIELDS still being investigated by the COMMISSION ON JUDICIAL PERFORMANCE, but Judge ROBERT O’FARRELL is also undergoing a CJP colonoscopy.

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According to tipsters, someone isn’t too happy with the way O’Farrell handles the disqualification of judges by litigants. Big deal. It’s no secret that when a lawyer DQs a judge, she doesn’t just get assigned to the next one. She gets assigned to the crappiest one on the list. Duh.

But then, last week the clubhouse made Deputy DA CHRIS MARTIN traffic commissioner, which proved to Squid that every now and then, there is some clarity of thought coming from the building.

And Squid’s even excited about the gov’s appointments of BOB BURLISON and EFREN IGLESIA.

Now the bad news: New Judicial Appointments Secretary SHARON MAJORS-LEWIS will decide who gets appointed next. “She’s got it out for well-educated straight-shooters,” a tipster tells Squid.

And Squid thought it couldn’t get much worse.

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