Feeling Malacoly… Squid’s three-chamber heart skipped three collective beats upon hearing that the World Congress of Malacology is coming to Squid’s backyard, convening at Asilomar Aug. 11-16. Malacology is the study of mollusks, Squid’s family tree. Squid is related to a wide array of 85 million recognized species, including snails and slugs, clams and oysters, cuttlefish and nautilus. One presentation is titled, “The Evolution of Molluscan Weirdness,” and no, the researchers did not study Squid personally. They did consider some real oddballs, like the giant shipworm Kuphus polythalamia, the longest living bivalve at more than 1.5 miles long.

Squid’s family members may be odd, but none of them are odd ones out. The same may not be true for Rep. Jimmy Panetta, D-Carmel Valley, who persists in being one of the odd Democrats out. As of Aug. 6, more than half of House Democrats – 118-117 – say they support impeachment proceedings against President Donald Trump. The number in favor is expected to rise, but Panetta remains in the shrinking nay camp.

Panetta still talks about bipartisanship like these are normal political times. If this were the Bush years, Squid would get it, but Trump is a whole new brand of weird and things are set to get weirder – like end-of-Democracy weird – which calls for a bolder response.

Jump in the water, Jimmy. It’ll be just fine.

Freedom Fries… Squid knows Squid should eat better, but shrimp-flavored popcorn is just so much more snackable than shrimp-flavored kale. Squid makes an effort to eat local with lots of strawberry smoothies and salads, in homage to the Salad Bowl of the World.

Squid likes staying up to date on local agribiz and saw a photo on social media showing happy Cal Poly students hanging out with Steve Church, co-chairman of Salinas salad grower/processor Church Brothers/True Leaf. They’re holding what look at first glance like red MAGA hats. Then Squid looked closer and realized the hats said, “Make Broccoli Great Again.” Sure, it’s a worthy sentiment, except that the slogan and look is cribbed from PresidentDonald Trump’s campaign. Central to that campaign platform is a pledge to deport the majority of Church Brothers’ workforce.

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As a nation we’re not above jingoistic rebranding. Remember when we smacked the Kaiser by changing sauerkraut to liberty cabbage? Probably not. But Squid remembers when we were supposed to hate France over its objection to invading Iraq, and American officials called for rebranding French fries as freedom fries.

But if we really want to Trump things up, Squid suggests border broccoli, bad hombre berries and covfefe cauliflower.

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(1) comment

Carson Franklin

Jimmy is a great representative. But staying silent is an auto disqualification in my mind. Inaction is a statement. It's a statement that says he is OK with the behavior and decorum spewing from the executive branch. The longer he sits on the sidelines the more he slips from being a leader to becoming a man with a singular focus. To sit back in the shadows and let others make the risky desicions so either way he might score another term. I'd that's the case I'll run.


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