SQUID PRO QUO… Back in the day, Squid thought Latin class seemed like a waste of time. These days, members of Congress are steeped in the finer points of defining quid pro quo. Squid discovered you need not look as far afield as Washington, D.C. to find evidence of, “I do X for you, only if you do Y for me.” Daniel Delacruz (not an attorney, but he does have a law degree) of Salinas firm Delacruz Advocacy for the Disabled has been sending emails to local nonprofits with an offer to send some money their way.

Yes, there’s a catch – you send his unnamed client the name of a prospective plaintiff for a prospective Voting Rights Act lawsuit, and then can you collect. “I have a client who needs minorities that are registered voters that reside in the cities of Marina, Pacific Grove, Seaside, Monterey, and Gilroy in order to compel the foregoing cities to institute district elections for their local offices instead of their current at-large elections,” Delacruz writes. “In exchange, that registered minority voter will receive $500 from my client. Additionally, my client will donate $500 in their name to any 501(c)(3) nonprofit organization of their choice.”

The principle is that in district-based elections, it’s easier for candidates of color to get elected by their own neighborhood, rather than running to represent an entire city. But it sure feels more like actual democracy when actual voters decide to get involved.

THROW DOWN… Squid played a few pranks as a Squidlet. Ding dong ditch was about as bold as Squid got. Sadly, Squid hears there’s a biped – or group of bipeds – engaging in a dangerous prank that could get someone killed. On Oct. 8, California Highway Patrol told reporters that since February, there have been 38 confirmed cases of “high-velocity projectiles” thrown at vehicles on Highway 101 between Highway 156 in Prunedale and the Big Red Barn in Aromas. CHP isn’t saying what the projectiles are as it investigates, but notes that four adults and one 5-year-old girl have sustained minor injuries from flying glass.

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Squid wants to know who these culprits are so Squid can start throwing Squid’s own projectiles at them – rotten tomatoes seem like a proper choice – and see how they like it. Squid might branch out from there to others on Squid’s list of ne’er-do-wells, like, say, Vice President Mike Pence, who was scheduled to be at a Monterey fundraiser on Nov. 13, after Squid’s deadline. (If you’re reading this, Secret Service, don’t worry – Squid has many arms, but none of them are any good.)

Joking aside, CHP is asking for the public’s help in catching the Highway 101 culprits. If it happens to you, pull over and call 911 and stay in the vehicle until officers arrive.

And if the projectiles turn out to be rotten tomatoes, well, Squid was in Squid’s lair, far away.

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