POP UP… The Thursday before Thanksgiving is always a big one for Squid. First Squid makes cornbread. Then Squid cools the cornbread. Then Squid tears the cornbread into chunks (making sure to drop a few on the floor for the beloved bulldog Rosco P. Coltrane), and lets it sit on the counter to dry so come Thanksgiving, Squid can bring a heaping casserole dish full of cornbread-oyster dressing to the Squid family’s feast. This year – thanks ,pandemic – there’s no family feast gathering. But Squid, feeling nostalgic, decided to set out for the grocery store (Squid, being a hipster, is a fan of Elroy’s) to buy ingredients and make cornbread-oyster dressing for a feast of one.
But then, a newsflash stopped Squid dead in Squid’s tracks. “‘Squid Pops’ Reveal How Predator Fish Handle Warmer Water,” the headline reads. If Squid had a spine, a chill would have run up it. It seems that alleged researchers took members of Squid’s extended family, dried them out and made them into some sick, undersea-style cake pops, allegedly for science, as part of creating a global “Bite Map” of predators.
The lead technician of this experiment is one Ross Whippo, then with the Smithsonian Institute and now a University of Oregon doctoral student. Squid has hung a picture of Whippo on the fridge, and is currently hiding out in the lair, lest Squid end up on the end of a popsicle stick too.
#BEBEST… Given that, thanks to Ross Whippo (see above) Squid has to hide out in the lair, Squid decided to invest some time and talent into making mini-Squid plushies to donate to one of the many nonprofits that collects toys to give to children around the holidays. Who doesn’t love a Squid plushie (other than Ross Whippo)? Squid got out the knitting needles and yarn, and set to knitting, knocked out a half dozen and then took a break to peruse Facebook. There, Squid came across an insane discussion on a Pacific Grove-centric page in which one woman straight-up Karened the idea of holiday giving and suggested that “instead of giving more toys to the Hispanic children, perhaps some of the groups wishing to spread holiday cheer would like to give to seniors who have been sheltering in place since March… How about really spreading the cheer this year?” The general consensus of those who responded: the post reeked of racism and probably more than a little classism. Or, as one commenter posted, “You are AWFUL” and another wrote, “I hope Santa brings you some manners.” Squid has a large brain and thinks multiple ideas can exist at once – toys for children in need are terrific, and so is gifting seniors with a lovely handmade lap quilt or a pair of slippers. See how Squid accomplished that? No racism or classism involved at all.